Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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