I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
