so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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