I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
