her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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