it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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