WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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