oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
