I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
