just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
