I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
