Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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