Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
