I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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