haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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