Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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