Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I need to stop coming to work sober
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
