Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
