I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
