i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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