So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
