This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
