She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
