I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
