I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
