there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
