it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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