Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
