went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
