So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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