That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You are the jesus of drinking
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
