just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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