Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
