Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize