You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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