highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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