No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
