So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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