we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
