i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
