Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
