dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
