My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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