got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
