There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
