Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
