well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
