there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
