the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
