as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
