quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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