If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
