And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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