I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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