So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
