3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
