on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
