Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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