Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
