oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize