My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
