i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
