Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
