Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
