you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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