Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
