i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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