Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
