He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
