another moral hangover. fuck.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
