corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
