If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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