Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
