Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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