she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
