we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
