do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
