I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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