Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
where does the pee come out of this thing
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
