I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
