So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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