There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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