you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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