um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
