I think my fart just growled at me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
