i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
