I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
