I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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