some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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