is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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