god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
this beer tastes like vomit already
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
